Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize