if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
How's work?
Spinning.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
