we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
