I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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