your parents love me but you hate me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
