May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
