I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
