we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
