Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
where are you?
Hypothermia
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i think i just lost a toe
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
