I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
