Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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