i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
