Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
