Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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