'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
