yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
