tell your sister to shave her snatch
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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