ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
