he wants to bone in the snuggie
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize