i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
