I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
