hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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