I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
