i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
