I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
