went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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