i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
