did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
