I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
