How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
