I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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