Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
