you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize