Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
