did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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