there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
