I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
