Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
