What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
