just come out here and I will go home with you...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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