Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
