Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
