drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
