you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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