I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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