you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I need a burrito and a hug.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
