I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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