halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
