You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
