First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize