so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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