I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
