I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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