On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I believe in your delicious
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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