I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
