tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
my liver is dry heaving
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
