I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize