Screwed.edu
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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