Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
