Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
