we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
