why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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