I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
two words: eviction party
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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