I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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