So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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