Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
