We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize