big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
