My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
