I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
