We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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