Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
