I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize